Suraru's Long long looooong backstory

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Suraru's Long long looooong backstory

Postby Suraru on Tue Jun 07, 2011 1:10 am

why is it so long? because i am a writer, and making a long paragraph or two just wont cut it with me.
if there is another topic this SHOULD be in, let me know asap

also this will eventually go into my characters future and eventual death,

right now in modern events, my character is suffering a depression, and was kicked off of something important, so if i join in any RPs that are in "right now" times, my character is a bit sad, and people are looking for him (he knows important information about the government, so troika, police, politics, are all looking for him, nightmares already know this information, they could care less)
his powers that are currently learned are:

Flying (Mastered)
Explosive wind gusts (a bit rough)
Portals (new)
Levitating (a bit rough)


ill post the first chapter of his life when i get the chance, starting from birth, and skimming through until important stuff happens
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Re: Suraru's Long long looooong backstory

Postby Suraru on Tue Jun 07, 2011 1:33 am

ill start now :D

lets see how to start... hmmmm

well suraru was born somewhere between Ruskol and Calypsa, in a quiet area, few bandits wannabes doing stuff, but no real crime, but it was enough to cause him to lean toward being a good soul.

he grew up being very hyper, and was picked on when he was in school, so he had lots of drama in his life, it was mostly for attention. he made good friends with the teachers, and learned diplomacy, and was able to get out of frequent trouble.

he had little school friends, one person named micheal, became his frienemy, they were with each other for a long time. suraru often got into fights, and spent most of his school time getting yelled at by his strict father and strange mother. he did lots of yard work, and grew discipline, and respect.

he was picked on horribly by kids, he brought it mostly upon himself. one day (important moment :o ) he found himself in a alley not far from school, there he saw a small red ryuu neko, being picked on by a couple of wannabes. suraru was mad, he walked up and started yelling at them, but they began threating him, they pull out a small handheld springer, and not one of the toy ones, a loaded lethal weapon.

thanks to suraru's hunting days with his father, he had enough weapon smarts to know they were holding it wrong, this gave him a bit of confidence, he grabbed a piece of broken flowood and lunged at the 2 thugs, suraru went for the weapon but it fired off a few shoots, and hit the ryuu. the thugs ran, one with a bruised head.

suraru picked up the ryuu and rushed it to the nearest hospital, where they quickly redirected him to a ryuu breeder...

suraru saved the ryuu, and named him kiki. it was a fire/rock mix according to the breeder. thanks to suraru's respect and speaking skills, he was able to get off free of charge. suraru and kiki grew up with each other, the ryuu was small enough to fit in suraru's pocket, unnoticed by the school.

he filed a report on the two thugs, it was strange doing this at the age of 9, and the troops didnt take him seriously. when suraru got in fights, kiki would jump out and join, burrowing under the ground and spitting lava. kiki never really hurt anyone, so he was safe from the angry public, hehehe.


well thats it for now, ill add in more adventures of suraru and kiki later, it explains some of suraru's scars, which are based off of my own (fact suraru's life is based off of my own), and ill end it with suraru being 10, maybe 11, because the next five years are full of detail.

so far suraru does not know any powers, he thinks it might lean toward fire, because its cool, but he has had some experiences with water (which he is afraid of btw), but thats because of the wind growing inside him, waiting to be learned.
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Re: Suraru's Long long looooong backstory

Postby Reed R Gale on Tue Jun 07, 2011 2:14 am

I dunno if you're still using that blackberry, but as a general professional tip, capitalize. It makes your writing evolve in amazing ways, really. Also, reread and edit what you write, because there's always room for improvement. Otherwise, all I can say are two quotes that I love:

"Writers are only as good as they read."

"'Jared, do you know the difference between my writing and yours?'
'Yours sucks less?'
'Well, yes, but do you know how I got to be that way?'
'...Practice?'
'You could say that,'"

At that point my teacher pulled out his college final report, amounting to a 1500 page essay, a fricking book.

All in all, write well, write often, and always try to improve (also my little add-on for fiction: details, details, details).

I'll be honest Suraru, when you write, the way you come across, at least to me, is rather child-like. Call me pompous or rude, but that's what I think. I also think you have a lot to say, and as Twi said at one point, you don't seem to like not having anything to say (...or something along those lines). But, that's okay sometimes, quality over quantity though. Even better: Hand in hand! Basically, I think that people will see you more seriously when you put real depth into what you have to say; when you come across--for lack of a better word--better.

I say this not to be rude, but to help a fellow writer. You said you want to be a writer, and you're not pleased with a few measly paragraphs to describe your character, cool, so do I (I'm writing my novel on the forums as of right now, but you knew that ;) ). But also remember, that no one will read what you have to say unless you give them a reason to. I want to help you become a better writer, and if I can help in any way, feel free to ask, I'll even critique your work if you want. On the other hand, you can also choose to disregard what I have to say as well.

The choice is yours, enjoy,

Reed R. Gale

P.S. GOD I SOUND SO FREAKING POMPOUS, I HATE COMING ACROSS THAT WAY!!!
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Re: Suraru's Long long looooong backstory

Postby Hakuzo NightFox on Tue Jun 07, 2011 4:17 am

I'd say this would go into the headless lounge, as it is related to your character. Also if you plan to RP with it as well that would be the best place to post/have this thread moved to.
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Re: Suraru's Long long looooong backstory

Postby Suraru on Tue Jun 07, 2011 1:34 pm

reed i understand lol, if i wrote it via BB most of the grammar/punctuation would be auto corrected, which has nerfed my ability to properly write
(it took me a few months just to re-learn and use correctly their, there and they're, because BB auto-correct doesn't cover that)


and i do appreciate criticism, it helps me better myself. Twi asked me two weeks ago during my first chat session with an absent dave (he was watching pandas) if he was being to tough on me in the forums, i said no, i do appreciate criticism, it helps me better myself, and not do anything stupid.

and while i do have creativity and intelligence (for a story that makes sense and is vaguely plausible), i do like actual writing skills, i dont pay attention that often in english class.

so do please criticize my work, and point out the millions of grammar errors.

PS: that was written off of me staying up late again (i gotta stop doing that) so i didnt really think of spelling/grammar/punctuation, hell i didnt even re-read it lol, and btw, google chrome deserves a spot on failblog for its spell check, ill explain why later when i have a opportunity


[edit]
o ya, and i normally prefer quality over quantity, im just very chatty lol
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Re: Suraru's Long long looooong backstory

Postby Suraru on Tue Jun 07, 2011 8:10 pm

well ill go ahead and post my mess of a second part now, with little attempt for grammar or punctuation.

ill continue it with him being 11, and it gets more detailed, exciting parts happen way later (like when hes 14-16)

suraru feed kiki, and soon kiki got bigger, to big to fit in his pocket. by now kiki had grown his fur to be bushier. suraru liked to explore, and sneaking out to get to the skywall, which was in a very bad part of the district, but thanks to his constant sneaking around, he knew how to stay hidden.

once he made it to the skywall, kiki would dig a hole underneath it, which took a while because the skywall was pretty deep. then he would mark it, and began walking around, enjoying the sights. one day, suraru found a great spot not far from the wall, it was a small opening in the starfall forest, it had a small waterfall, a pond, and suraru brought over a bench.

wildlife this close to the wall was uncommon, but he did see some predators every now and then. suraru often chilled in this spot after a long day at school, he just laid back in the bench listing to the water, enjoying the smells, and snacking on some food. he was careful to clean up the food, and not scare anyone with him disappearing a lot by letting his parents know he was going out, and returning everyday.

life was good for a while, although life at school generally sucked, and his parents were annoying, with his mom being strange and socially uptight everywhere else, and his dad constantly giving him work, which prevented him from getting to his hangout often. making it even more special to him.

he went camping a lot with his dad, and hunting with legalized weapons to gather food. he was a nature guy, with not to many friends...


well im going to continue writing with another post to help break it up a bit
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Re: Suraru's Long long looooong backstory

Postby Suraru on Tue Jun 07, 2011 8:29 pm

and do critique my story, my grammar kinda sucks if youve noticed lol


well time for his 13th year, things start to get rough for suraru and he starts to get scars now.

thankfully his fur can cover up some of it, but others have the fur burned off, like one day a storm hit, and some spark ryuus were having fun, scaring kiki. suraru tried to comfort him, but as more electricity struck, kiki freaked out scratching suraru's hand open (a minor scar). suraru left his home and confronted the ryuus, they ended up striking his back, giving im a nasty scar across his back.

suraru was ok, and the ryuus were killed by the animal control of andruana. but the scarring doesnt stop there, suraru figured out he can control wind from his arms and legs. he found himself waking up very lazy during the summer, and he started to levitate from his hands. it was like pushing himself up through a ball of thick air.

after about a week of short wind bursts from his hands, he decided to try and fly. he made it about 50 yards before falling, but it was the most fun suraru has ever had. suraru got better at it, practicing in his back yard (his living district wasnt that dense).

one day, he decided to fly to the first day of school. unfortunately the shock troops found him midair... with lethal force. not only does he have a few scars from practicing, but now now he has a pellet shot in his lower gut. he was let off the hook, but no more flying. plus now he walks with a limp.

he almost fully healed by his 14th year, which hell be repeating because he gets picked on for being so small, and his mother doesnt want him to suffer that being moved to a different school. plus his dad wanted a punishment for flying.

so now with many scars everywhere, his 13th year sucked. and now kiki is pretty big, so no more going to school with suraru, but size hasnt stopped kiki from not participating in fights, hell pop up from nowhere and now with his massive claws and lava spitting, hell scare kids away.

the year 14, the most eventful year of my life, same with suraru, cant wait to write it soon, but i have to go now, dang
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Re: Suraru's Long long looooong backstory

Postby Avolendi on Wed Jun 08, 2011 1:33 pm

Some input on the grammar checking. Personally I don't think you should expect people to correct your spelling and grammar. I'd suggest typing in a document program (like Word) which has grammar checking installed. This helps point out and correct most errors as you get the red or green underlines, if small mistakes aren't autocorrected. Also nice for large blocks of text, in case something goes wrong and I think you keep a better overview of what you're typing.
For lose words you don't know, I just type what I think it should be in google to see what it should be.

As for learning, I'd suggest also paying attention to what is auto corrected. That way you can learn to prevent making those mistakes when you're not typing with correction. (For example, I kept typing the s and c in necessary wrong, so I had to keep checking what it was, now I know :P ).
First thing that I also noticed is you don't use capital letters at the start of sentences. That makes everything very uncomfortable to read. Try to do this yourself, even if you have auto completion somewhere (for a phone I understand, but on a pc or laptop you should only rely on error checking and auto completion as backup).

So hope this helps.
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Re: Suraru's Long long looooong backstory

Postby WhiteinBlack on Wed Jun 08, 2011 2:42 pm

Avolendi wrote:Some input on the grammar checking. Personally I don't think you should expect people to correct your spelling and grammar. I'd suggest typing in a document program (like Word) which has grammar checking installed. This helps point out and correct most errors as you get the red or green underlines, if small mistakes aren't autocorrected. Also nice for large blocks of text, in case something goes wrong and I think you keep a better overview of what you're typing.
For lose words you don't know, I just type what I think it should be in google to see what it should be.

As for learning, I'd suggest also paying attention to what is auto corrected. That way you can learn to prevent making those mistakes when you're not typing with correction. (For example, I kept typing the s and c in necessary wrong, so I had to keep checking what it was, now I know :P ).
First thing that I also noticed is you don't use capital letters at the start of sentences. That makes everything very uncomfortable to read. Try to do this yourself, even if you have auto completion somewhere (for a phone I understand, but on a pc or laptop you should only rely on error checking and auto completion as backup).


I'll have to agree with Av. I would be careful with Microsoft Word or and word program with an autocheck program. Grammer is constantly changing in reality so what the Word says may not be accurate. Do a personal run through with YOUR knowledge of grammer.
Plus, you should run through your writing, reading it out loud to see if it sounds correctly. If you read it in your head, your brain will automatically say its ok. This is very helpful in creative writing and college essays. I would know and trust me, it makes a HUGE difference.

English Nerd, out
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Re: Suraru's Long long looooong backstory

Postby Suraru on Wed Jun 08, 2011 4:08 pm

ya, but most times i dont have time :P

and i dont expect others to fix my grammar, as in do not lol

but sense this is a story, i should run this through a grammar check asap, before i start my 3rd part, where stuff starts to happen, my character learns some new powers, meets new friends (and enemies) and begins his early political career...

yes, my character is a politician, but (SPOILER) something happens that makes him hate politics and most of those in politics, causing him to do crazy stuff like Charlie sheen.


ill get those edits done asap, then ill start on the good stuff
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