Character Critics

Every human has their own unique persona in the DreamWorld - and, frequently, online! Come mingle with the colorful cast, and introduce your own character to the mix.

Re: Character Critics

Postby khimera on Sat Aug 04, 2012 12:31 pm

I'm new here but not new in any way to character creation. I've been a fan of dreamkeepers for a while so i finally joined the forum. This is my first character here so i hope it's not too horrible.

Name:Raraiza Ishparet (Ra, Rara, or Aiza for short)

Gender: Male

Age Around 19~20

Height: Roughly 6.5 feet high give or take an inch or two.

Weight: 126lbs again it varies a little bit since nothing is exact from day-to-day

Appearance: Raraiza's appearance is mostly reptilian, his body covered in pure white scales that are both flexible and strong though they aren't that much stronger than ordinary skin when it comes to firearms or cutting weapons. His muzzle is of a shorter length, face fair in its own way. Rara is very lean but beneath his slender appearance lies a good amount of muscle strength. If one were to sum up Raraiza in one word, just looking at him anyway, it would be "Dragon." Two strikingly pure cyan eyes mark Rara's face with color while his short, unkempt hair has only a light-frosty blue tint to it which isn't really visible unless one is close-up. His two pointed ears serve well in the hearing department and they twitch a bit whenever Rara is trying to listen to something in particular like a conversation from across the room. His legs are of a feral, digitigrade nature with feet ending in four claws much like how his hands have four fingers (thumb included). One of the features that Raraiza is most proud of, however, is his long tail which ends in a tuft of frosty blue fur much like a chinese dragon tail. The length of Rara's tail is at least as great as his height, thicker at the base and thinner at the end where the tuft is. On top of his head Rara has two medium-length dragon horns that point back along the top of his head, smooth and ivory in color.

To make up for his somewhat colorless appearance Raraiza wears...well...interesting clothing. For upperwear he has a chinese-style jacket with two tails in the back that end squared-off. The jacket is black and the lining is a golden color, stylized sakura blossoms adorning the jacket in blue color. For pants Rara wears some business-ready black slacks that are fitted for his particular leg type and a hole in the back for his tail.

Personality/Characteristics: Raraiza comes from the last of a noble clan in the Kojiki district but despite being a powerful figure he does not have any real political power. In fact Rara despises how politics are done currently in Anduruna and finds many of the Viscount's decisions to be dislikeable, such as the ban on power use; even constructive power use. Raraiza has a strong sense of justice as it were and finds criminals despicable. This happens to also be part of the reason Raraiza dislikes and avoids politicians when he can.

While he may seem unapproachable and cold to those that do not know him Rara is actually pretty kind-hearted. So long as you don't piss him off Raraiza generally attempts to be helpful to just about anyone's situation. Since he's no stranger to deception, his entire clan wiped out thanks to it, Rara is fairly cautious when meeting new people. With this caution also comes a desire to be isolated for periods of time. Rara is very fond of the Starfall Forests and if nowhere in the city can be found there enjoying the wildlife in his own little isolated area. Due to spending so much time in the Starfall Forest Raraiza finds it easier to befriend animals rather than other dreamkeepers.

A particular characteristic of Raraiza is that he seems to have an air about him that makes him seem like a noble. He tries his best to carry himself with dignity when in public and there are subtle nuances to things he does that make him seem more like a person from royalty rather than someone who has spent much of their life alone or with few friends.

Combat: Raraiza has had some training (to be explained in history) in combat so he can protect himself from would-be assassins and nightmares. While certainly not a veteran he is not a rookie and can generally hold his own. He favors a swifter combat style which conflicts with how his power works which can end up frustrating him greatly.

Weapon- Dragon's Fang: A sword handed down to the leader of Raraiza's clan from generation to generation. He was the next to inherit the title of clan leader but due to circumstances (again, explained in history) this is the only remaining reminder of the fact that Rara's clan ever existed. It is a unique shortsword with a wide, arrowhead-shaped blade which serves well to attack, parry, and block. The handle balances out the weight of the blade perfectly and is long enough that the Dragon's Fang can be wielded two-handed if necessary.

Power- Runic Interface: Raraiza's power which activated and saved his life during the destruction of his clan though back then it was a fluke and has remained dormant until recently. The Runic Interface takes the appearance of a bluish holographic panel and an empty seal, the seal appearing next to Rara's free hand. The panel shows symbols that can be locked into the empty seal to produce various spell-like effects. Unfortunately Raraiza has absolutely no knowledge on what symbol does what and is even having a hard time figuring out how to make symbols lock in properly. The seal consists of three circles spread apart and connected in a triangular pattern as well as with a circle.

What Raraiza knows so far: The three main circles of the seal are the primary effect of...whatever his power happens to do. They are always the first thing a symbol locks into whenever he uses his power so he has logged them down as the 'main slots' of the seal. The paths connecting the main slots in triangular and circular fashion appear to have room for smaller symbols as well but so far he doesn't know what they could be for, if they're for anything.

So far, Rara hasn't really deciphered what the symbols from the panel mean, only that they produce different effects and that he can only use one main slot right now. He has, however, logged a few symbols and what they do. One in particular makes a cloud of bubbles and another one produces a ball of light like a will-o-wisp. Currently Raraiza hasn't found any destructive symbols but he experiments with his power when he can and often meets with failure or clouds of bubbles. No idea why the bubble symbol likes to lock in automatically but Rara finds it aggravating when he's trying to blind an enemy like a nightmare only to have shiny bubbles come out. It is this sort of 'wild card' trait of his power that makes Raraiza frustrated and desire to fully master it.

On another note, the Runic Interface requires concentration to properly pick out a symbol instead of having something like the bubbles happen. This forces Raraiza to slow down in combat which conflicts with his usually agile and swift fighting style. This also means that he might even need to stand still to find the symbol he wants which leaves him highly vulnerable since even blocking an attack can interrupt his power.

Halo: Raraiza's halo is three cocentric circles with the outermost one tapering on two ends to make it almost look like an eye. The halo glows an electric blue and during any sort of movement lets off smokey wisps of blue vapor.

History: Raraiza was born in Kojiki to the Askeron Clan, the only child of the current leader and his wife. His mother died in childbirth so much of his rearing was left to the servants of the clan. During his childhood Raraiza was constantly told how he was to become the leader of the clan and bring them together much like his father had done. Fascinated by the many tales that were told of his lineage being of brave warriors who fought monstrous abominations long ago Rara aspired to become as great as them. So, playfully anyway, he would pretend he was a brave knight as a child, swinging around a stick like a sword and other things. He was never phased by the fact he had no other friends besides the servants of the clan. To him they were all his friends, all the friends he'd ever need.

When he was eight Raraiza was taken to his father, who had been avoiding him for several years since Rara reminded his father of his deceased mother, and shown the Dragon's Fang which was their most precious artifact and weapon. It was during this visit that Raraiza was told the entire history of the Askeron Clan as they knew it. They were warriors, brave ones at that. He also learned that the creatures they fought were nightmares, things that destroyed everything they could. Now, being an eight-year-old Raraiza had nothing but fascination for the tales his father was telling him not realizing they were all terrifyingly true.

Two weeks after Raraiza's father recounted the clan history several nightmares attacked and destroyed the Askeron Clan. The nightmares had been spying on the Askeron for some time and it wasn't until Raraiza had been told about the extensive history of his lineage that the Askerons had been deemed too dangerous to continue living. Everything was razed to the ground and everyone was killed. Raraiza's entire clan butchered before his eyes, his fear and desire to live forced his power into activation, shielding him from the eyes of the nightmares as he ran away. When he came back the next day Rara found the Dragon's Fang beside his father's charred, headless corpse. Without anything else to remember his loved ones by, Rara kept the Dragon's Fang close as he wandered off.

For a while Raraiza scavenged what he could, always clinging to his clan's artifact which he'd wrapped up to keep from cutting himself. Eventually he was caught stealing food from a vendor and was taken metaphorical prisoner. When he refused to give up the Dragon's Fang to the vendor to pay for the food, the food merchant tried to take it from him and in the process the weapon became revealed. The vendor happened to be an ally of the destroyed Askeron clan by the name of Wallace Ishparet. Wallace and his other allies still retained knowledge of the Askeron Clan and after cleaning Raraiza of the dirt and grime of the streets acknowledged him as the only survivor of the attack. To prevent Raraiza from getting assassinated Wallace had the boy take on his last name and rotated where Rara lived weekly among his allies to ensure his safety.

When he came of age (which would be sixteen for him) and did not exhibit his power Wallace and his allies contributed it to the trauma of seeing his clan killed in front of him as a child. To offset his lack of a power to defend himself from nightmares and assassins Wallace began to train Raraiza in basic swordplay so at the very least he could wield the Dragon's Fang if necessary. With the ban on weapons, however, the Dragon's Fang needed to remain concealed lest it be taken away so Wallace brought Rara to the Starfall Forest where they could train in relative peace.

During one of the training sessions one of the nightmares that destroyed Raraiza's clan appeared and mortally wounded Wallace. Rage and overwhelming sorrow made Raraiza lash out at the creature, bringing his power back to the surface and summoning a blinding light. Much in the same fashion as the nightmare had done to his father Raraiza used the activation of his power to decapitate and kill the nightmare with the Dragon's Fang. Rara was just barely able to get Wallace to Calypsa to recieve medical help after. While Wallace managed to survive he was crippled, unable to walk though all things considered even Wallace called himself lucky.

Since the training incident Raraiza has been living with Wallace instead of rotating between 'adoptive parents' and helping Wallace in daily life. Even when going out for extended periods Rara ensures that Wallace is cared for in some way and to preserve the dignity of his clan he carries himself with the weight of his dead clan on his shoulders as a noble to atone for being unable to do anything in the past.

Quote: "Stupid bubbles...why they heck is it always bubbles? I can't even take a bubble bath anymore thanks to the bubbles!"
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Re: Character Critics

Postby Thegunner18 on Mon Aug 06, 2012 11:06 am

This is a very well crafted character, and I can see that a lot of effort has gone into creating him ^^ The whole thing about the clan opens up quite a few opportunities for multiple different plotlines to be followed and it's something I can easily see being fleshed out at some point. :)

I can imagine his power being potentially very powerful, too. It's just those bubbles that are going to be the thing that gets in his way all the time...Ah well. With disappointment also comes usefulness! Bubbles are always popular at kids' parties :P He could prove to be quite the attraction at those sorts of events ^^ That is, unless the nightmares or government don't come bull-rushing you again D:

I doubt Davin and 'Aiza (which nickname do you prefer?) would really get along, though, considering that Davin is an assassin/thief and all ^.^

But anyway, I think it's a very good first character here. Nicely done. :)
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Re: Character Critics

Postby khimera on Mon Aug 06, 2012 8:30 pm

Wow, thanks! Normally creating a character is very restrictive, at least on the forum I first started RPing at. So with how fairly open this sort of template is I just went an eensy bit nuts. I tried to stay within canon rules too.

The entire point of Rara's power (you can use any of his nicknames but Rara and Aiza fit best) is that it is POTENTIALLY devastating or awesome in magnitude but the skill required to actually pull off something great with it is out of his grasp at the moment, not to mention that the time required to actually pull up a truly potent seal (which would be at least three main slots plus one enhancement pathway) conflicts with his desire to strike quickly and forces him into a mage position rather than a warrior-rogue one.

Humm...Raraiza may have a strong sense of justice but one facet of that is that he can understand how assassin's work and how they live in the shades of grey in the world much like he does. Most work for pay or for a living, not out of enjoyment of killing or for the ability to murder innocents on a whim. In fact, if you look at it logically the people assassins are contracted to kill often have performed some criminal wrong to another, which notable exceptions being...say...viscounts with positive plans for anduruna and other such individuals malicious people would want gone.
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Re: Character Critics

Postby Tangletail on Fri Aug 10, 2012 3:59 pm

If anything, I'd say it would be highly interesting to see an interaction with an insane character like mine with yours. I could see that he would wind up being friends with the most out of the blue characters than those who are justicars.
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Re: Character Critics

Postby Roan on Sun Sep 23, 2012 1:50 am

What? Does Leon look like a pencil monster thingy? I have a friend and he makes these really creepy DK drawings. I always rip them apart for no entire reason. But he finds it funny. I don't know what is wrong with me...
*Faceplant*
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Re: Character Critics

Postby Calico Yorki on Wed Oct 17, 2012 5:02 pm

Name: ??? ["Walker of the Wheel," "The Double Agent"]
~
Gender: Female
~
Age: ??? [Several Centuries at the Very Least]
~
Power: [Forever]
Halo - A Misty, Almost-White Pale With Wispy Dark Indigo Edges
While its qualities are constantly semi-present, the Double Agent's Power only truly activates at the moment she dies. In this instant, her body erupts into seething indigo flames, and clad in nothing at all, her new body is reborn from the ashes. She cannot die of old age - Although her colors fade and her normal melancholy deepens into depression.

The only reason this works is that she's effectively being "reincarnated." Though her physical traits barely change, her personality subtly shifts to correspond to the new human birth her death and new life has corresponded with. Unfortunately, though she can reincarnate from being killed by a Nightmare, she cannot protect the human she's left behind.

As well, she has two types of circumstances in which she cannot come back to life, and her cycle of reincarnation will be permanently broken: If said death is "heroic" or is "just." Meaning, she dies protecting others from danger, or is killed to protect innocents from her. However, due to the nature of her usual actions - Saving lives through the betrayal of trust - She is rarely, if ever, in a state where her death would be heroic or just.
~
Description:
Azure bluefurred, she has varying patterns of pale indigo spots and dark indigo rings and prominent swirled bangs. Her long, almost kangaroo-like tail is tipped by a large, wispy, pale blue tuft; elongated ears hang down from the sides of her head, steadily broadening towards the tips; and she bears narrow, lithe limbs. Meanwhile, somber, icy blue eyes stare out from beneath her voluminous gray hood - Secured by a braided leather band - And she wears a long, drab gray and green dress, a dull crimson vest, and two pale gray-purple sashes around her waist, tied at the left hip.
~
Personality/Background:
Though her specific behavior, habits, hobbies, etc., etc. can wildly change between her reincarnations, the Double Agent is characteristically melancholic, analytical, and prefers to do all of her business from the background shadows. She's become a legend among the Nightmares as the only "Dark" Dreamkeeper to ever have the guts to double-cross Lord Void personally, and most astonishingly, was able to maneuvre her way into a veil of anonymity so thick that Void found it more practical to let her continue her "vain meddling." Truly, anonymous is how she likes to stay - She likes to be the nameless woman who shows up to all the parties with food and handmade gifts to bring before leaving without a trace, and the stranger who somehow gives you solace in a time of dire anguish.

~ ~ ~

This has been on my computer for 5EVER.

I hope you all like her, maybe have some thoughts to share.

...Yes

EDIT: Oh my goodness gracious!

Who could forget this tragic abomination?

Let's see:

~ ~ ~

Name: Vira
~
Themesong:
~
Gender: Female
~
Age: 17 (Before Age was Frozen)
~
Power: ???
[Unknown, Psionically-Based, Brings Misfortune To Anyone Nearby That Will Worm Its Way Into Their Life For Months, Years, Or Even Indefinitely]
~
Description:
Covered in beige fur, rather on the short and thin side, Vira has feline or vulpid features, with a short muzzle; downturned ears; jade green eyes with sickly green, slit pupils; and twisted black horns atop her head. She also has long, sharp, scarlet-painted nails; broad, leathery wings; and a whiplike tail ended by a spearlike, bony black protrusion. Her ensemble normally consists of loose black clothes, plated boots with crimson soles, and numerous bracelets strung with Harvest Beads.
~
Personality:
"Well it goes like this,
The Fourth, the Fifth,
The minor fall and the major live
And the Baffled King composing
Hallelujah..."


Before her betrayal, as detailed below, Vira was a kind, gentle soul. She was actually a local healer, mixing medicines and mending injuries. That was, until she fell in love with the wrong person, and paid for her optimism. Now, Vira is generally foul-tempered, unpleasant, and rather unreasonably violent. She's also something of a fatalist, believing in letting fate do what it will. However, the girl who used to believe in inherent good is still chained up, deep inside Vira's soul, waiting to be set free by someone, something, anything...
~
Background:
"I've seen your flag
On the marble arch,
Love is not a victory march,
It's a cold, and it's a broken
Hallelujah..."


Vira was seventeen, a few centuries ago. She fell in love with a handsome warrior, but all was not well in their paradise. Eventually, it became known to Vira that her love was a Dark Dreamkeeper, and a high-ranking commander of Nightmares for his sheer cruelty. Vira clung desperately to the hope that their love would surmount his hunger for power; it was not to be. As proof of his loyalty, her "lover" had an unorthodox curse placed on her by sacrificing Nightmares, and anointing her in their blood while chained to a sorcerous circle.

Thus, Vira's Power was agonizingly awakened, and she rose as a new breed of Dark Dreamkeeper - The first, last, and only one of her kind to date. Yet she did not rise as an agent of evil - She rose as a hateful angel of revenge. They say that with a scream that made lesser Nightmares cow beneath the wroth noise, Vira sunk her claws into the fleeing young man's throat and thigh, before ripping him in two along the waist. She planned to fight her way out of Bralgu, but on Void's behest, the Nightmare masses parted and allowed her through.

For her Power would forever bring misfortune to others, when used.
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Re: Character Critics

Postby Reed R Gale on Wed Oct 17, 2012 9:40 pm

Your characters, as always, are amazing. :)

Is it just me... or did I see some Homestuck wormed into "The Double Agent"? Ehehe.
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Re: Character Critics

Postby Calico Yorki on Tue Oct 23, 2012 4:37 pm

Thank ya very much, sorry for the late reply.

And yes, some of the mechanics of the Double Agent's Power were inspired by Homestuck.

Now, I have a dreamkeeper whom I have just now typed up.

Please, tell me where he shines, where he fails, and where to improve.

I give you "Evil Eye" Wisely:

~ ~ ~

Name: "Wisely"
~
Age: 37
~
Gender: Male
~
Birthplace: Ruskol
~
Power: Evil Eye
Halo ~ A Sickly Yellow-Green
In truth, Wisely's Power is incredibly potent, and always active; manifested as a metallic, silver eye on his brow, with a glowing green pupil. He normally keeps a long, striped scarf wrapped around his head to cover it, as when the Evil Eye is open, it will compel him to rest, to just sit down, relax, maybe take a little nap...This is because it can see things that Wisely can't. It sees 'keepers who have been affected by the Nightmares, with an aura that grows stronger the closer they are to the Nightmare that affected their lives.

If it sees a likely threat or target, it will compel Wisely to sleep, and if it sees an actual Nightmare - Which it can detect from up to a two and a third arpents away, half-an-arpent if there are any obstacles in the direct line of view - it will actually knock him to sleep, to take over. In this sense, the Evil Eye is a proactive Power; it reflexively, instinctively acts to wipe out any Nightmares which could threaten its wielder or his loved ones, to the point that the Power may very well make the wielder's body into a tool for its own devices. This is why Wisely doesn't sleep often, and is thus moody and rather loony.

As for the Evil Eye's actual effects, it is able to disrupt the nervous system. For it to operate, the eye has to be exposed; requires the target(s) to be within its clear line of sight; and needs them to be within 5 meters of Wisely. For an average dreamkeeper or Nightmare, this begins at nausea and muddled senses; escalates to intense pain, deteriorated motor functions, and the slow loss of sensory input, until - given about eleven minutes of exposure - a being of normal mental resilience suffers a death of their consciousness; and, at the cost of "blinding" the eye and rendering it unable to manipulate or protect Wisely's prone body, it can cause a single target's nervous system to overload with such violence that blood streams from every facial orifice. However, this is grossly impractical, and Wisely would likely have to be actively using his Power to make this decision, as the Power's own "consciousness" would never take so great of a risk.
~
Appearance:
Wisely is a feline, colored an emerald green, with mint green speckles and messy hair of the same color. At the end of his long tail is a large tuft of wispy, mint green fur, and he has a large tuft of fur on his chest; ala Mace. His eyes are hazel, and he can usually be found smiling. His clothes are generally shabby and dirty, but as mentioned, he wears a long scarf around his upper-head. This article of clothing is patterned with black and lime green stripes, bent into angles. Pinned on the left side is a Troika badge, colored a coppery orange.
~
Personality/Background:
From a distance, Wisely seems to be a carefree fellow who lives for laughter and learning. To those who know him well, especially his comrades in the Troika, he is utterly and haplessly inprecise. Disorganized, absent-minded, dreadfully forgetful, and generally lazy in how he accomplishes tasks, he's only kept around by the Troika for his vast reserves of stored knowledge. He's lewd, rude, and crude, and due to the little amount of sleep his Power allows him, he tends towards savage moodswings. However, he loves to read, and if you can get him to focus in, you can get a very interesting, intelligent discussion out of Wisely. He was once a bookkeeper for Director of Executive Relations Nainso Ziska, when he stumbled across a hidden code tucked into a ledger he'd been assigned to transcribe. He toiled over the code for a month, only getting two words; but those alone were enough to drive him on for three years, holding his job to not arouse suspicion: "Nightmares", and "preparations".

When he had the full message, he managed to get in contact with a Troika agent. Terrified, he was sure that he would die. However, he was given a choice: continue with his job, and risk the possibility of being killed, or worse, for what he knew...Or, disappear, leaving behind his wife and daughter for his own safety. He chose the latter with little deliberation. Thus, he was seen crushed by a mad gnossus one day, in a gloriously contrived affair that involved perfume and a secret Power usage. Now, Wisely lives as a homeless vagrant; a status which is only complicated by the fact that his Power slowly awakened itself over these five years that have passed, and ended up creating a mess that demanded a false death and a renaming. He's been hypnotized so that he does not remember his own name, nor his life in Sabbaton Towers - While it's been effective at cementing his disguise, the hypnosis was done by a poorly-trained user of their Power (a rush job, really), and has resulted in Wisely's poor memory.
~
Misc.:
~ A lover of puns, Wisely finds intricate, original puns to be a sign of a very intelligent mind.
~ Wisely doesn't really have a favorite food, as he's just happy to have a regular meal, due to his necessary life on the streets.
~ Vi has been assigned to check in with Wisely periodically, but his carefree nature and habit of misplacing everything (including himself) leaves her with no patience for him.
~ Indigo hate him, for the same reasons they only call him variations of "Grab-###" and a variety of insults which they're only allowed to say in Spanish.
~ Most of the rest of the Troika are just happy he's Vi's problem and not theirs, as he is rude, imbalanced, and his Power is extraordinarily dangerous when it's allowed to exert itself.
~ Wisely knows half of the streetclans in his area, by name, and knows where to find anything - Be it legitimate or not.
Last edited by Calico Yorki on Wed Oct 24, 2012 4:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Character Critics

Postby Reed R Gale on Tue Oct 23, 2012 10:50 pm

D.Gray-man--

To be honest, I'm not sure if I could say, "improve this and you'll be good." Though I will ask for some clarification: what is "contact" with the eye? Does it require literal eye-to-eye contact, or just for it to look at the 'keeper or Nightmare in question? Or some other criteria?

As a character though, he seems pretty solid.
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Re: Character Critics

Postby Calico Yorki on Wed Oct 24, 2012 4:43 pm

After an inordinate number of attempts, the Forums decided to stop being a **** and let my edits and posts go through.

I edited, to more clearly define what "contact" with the Evil Eye entails.

What has me disconcerted is: do you mean it's okay, or it's horrible?

Because I'm not sure whether my ability to parse text is being colored by my defeatist nature.

Don't be afraid to say something that will hurt my feelings.

I place constructive criticism above my sensitive ego.

: O
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